I Want my Blankie

I went to a leadership meeting this last Monday, in Chamberlain.  I was seated at the table with leaders from the Bush foundation, Rural South Dakota, and other national leadership foundations.  The women that I spoke to talked with me after the main meeting about my time in school coming to an end.  Moms, sharing the burden of school, family, finances, and life. I agreed that it is a tough, tough balance–one that I am glad to see some to an end.

I made the comment that if my children were older than 4 & 7 I would probably not have heeded the call to go back to school.  As it is, my oldest and I have been in school together since he started kindergarten–that is kinda cool for us to share. Would I have done it were my children older?  I don’t know.  I do not have kiddos older than elementary school.  I do know that as they age, the number of activities grows exponentially.  I wonder how I will keep them involved but not over-involved.  I have also been aware of some covert judgment coming from fellow moms.  What a number we do to one another—as if we do not personally heap enough guilt upon ourselves…we seem happy to do it to one another as well.

I am not sure why I decided to go that direction….Ah, I just got my wavelength.  It is Friday after Thanksgiving.  I am so wiped I can hardly stand it.  All I really want is a warm blanket, my darkened room, and someone to take care of me.  I am 37 and I am yearning for a weekend of quiet and solitude with someone to check on me, tuck me in, and let me sleep, sleep, sleep…..  I am wondering why I am so wiped and I have come to a premature conclusion.  We women, moms included, give so much.  As I near the end of my schooling, I pray the time slows a bit, but I know this will not really happen.  The time I spent studying, writing, and learning will be replaced by something else that I deem important and the moments of self care will slip further on the back shelf.  If we could be as kind to another and keep each other accountable for our self care, we would be a much less stressed population.  Today, I yearn to give myself permission to sleep away the day, to not feel guilty, to lean into what my mind, body, and soul seem to need.  I would give any of you permission to do so.  I would hand you the blankie and direct you to your room.

I am not sure why I wrote all that….or what it’s purpose may be.  Someone may respond…someone may not.  All I know is that despite a large mocha mint coffee, I am wiped.  BTW, I have purchased nothing this Black Friday, and I do not intend to do so.  Blessings on your weekend.

Shalom,

cah

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