Hit the SNOOZE–Please?

Today I do not want to be a mom.  I have heard my 2 boys (4 &7) picking on each other since 7am and all I want to do is throw my covers over my head and block out the noise.  The alarm goes off, my husband dashes off to host a debate tournament, and I lie in my bed wondering if this is what it’s all about…..This morning I am frustrated at hearing my name called over and over….the hollering of one son at another, the constant instant demands of my time, my things, my brain space.  There are moments when I do not want the little people swiping a drink of my Diet Coke, simply because it is there.  I want it to myself….is that selfish?  Last night I ran a bath for myself to try to relax after a long week, my body hurt, my mind clogged, i wanted some ME time.  The first thing that happens is my oldest son comes barging in and asking if he can have my bath when I am done.  I take in a bated breath and tell him he can have it only if he is willing to let me have my time…it was shortlived, but I received a minimal soak.

I wish we were better about talking with one another about those daily struggles…those moments when we really don’t want to answer another email, when we would rather not answer that oh, so important, phone call, text, or message….When I am petting my dog and one of them busts in and interrupts my time….when I find pieces of my jewelry missing or broken because “someone” had to pick it up and swing it around…i don’t want to share my bed with the little people all the time and hear the incessant chatter about some random show–right now it is “team umi zoomi.”  i wish we were better at understanding where we struggle…where the vestiges of our dreams meet reality and we are left wondering if this is the best it will be….maybe it just feels good to vent and to feel we are not alone.  In these moments when there are too many too many’s that i feel alone and frustrated that i am not enough for all.  In all that I remain grateful for what I have…many would not worry about the too many’s, or wish they had them to worry about in the first place.

Maybe I am on to something…maybe i have no idea what I am talking about…maybe, just maybe.  Peace be with your many’s today.

Shalom

cahl

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