I CAN”T Believe It DID the WHOLE thing!!!!

3 1/2 years ago, I quit a full time ministry gig to do this school thing full time, I left the “sanctuary” of that guaranteed income and some insurance compensation to follow this compunction to go to school full time.  WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!!!???

It is no joke that a seminary education is one heck of a ride, anyone that takes the journey seriously will tell you that some of the toughest years they encountered were the years in seminary.  It is not for the faint at heart, not for those that are looking for a feel-good approach to Christianity or faith.  It is tough, it is hard, some of the hardest work I have ever done in my life.  It is also the most necessary  work I have ever done.  It has caused me to examine what I believe and why I believe it.  The education I received made me look at people and the faith that I possess through a different lens.

I said in Spiritual Direction today that I came into Seminary full of energy and passion to take over the world, claim a church, and set the Christian life on fire.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA  Insert (duh) laugh here.  The Creator had different plans, so did some other key people in my path.  THAT’s OK!

I discovered that it does not matter that I will not graduate with a 4.0, you see in my quest to set the world on fire,  I was also going to do it perfectly.  DUH!  Instead I learned more about people and the mission of Christ to a lonely and lost world and my reaction to it.  I discovered it matters not what the books tell me if I can’t enter into honest conversations with others and willingly bear their pain.  I experienced some of the greatest hurts I have ever encountered and found the strength to preserve, and that strength did not come from me.

In my quest to do it all, I found a specialized call that only I can fulfill because it is tailor made for me, just as it is for everyone else.  I cannot do what they do, and they cannot claim mine.  THAT is OK!  An Advocate was revealed, a Healer who was there the whole time, waiting for me to grab hold of the tassel of transformation.  Like a butterfly locked in cocoon, my time at Seminary was the fine-tuning and pruning to reveal something that I could never have imagined.  I referred to “squishy” parts in class yesterday.  Seminary has taught me we are all made of “squishy” parts, the parts that are gentle, prayerful, insightful, and quiet.  I leave my Seminary time more in touch with my “squishyness” and that is ok.  It is more than ok, because it is out of those parts that the Creator will do what needs to be done to help the Kingdom.  It will not be out of my power that anything powerful will be done, it is realized in my humanity and humility.  The least, the lost, and the lonely include you and they include me…and the call to poverty of mind and soul belongs to us all, if we are to eliminate the hurt that exists today.  That is my call, that is the burden that lies on my heart as I take my leave.  It is that burden that I pray I never lose, the accountability of people here that have helped place that burden on my soul.  I take the challenge with grace, courage, and the hope that I can continue  to finish well.

Shalom,

cindy a larson MDIV graduate.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Hannah
    Dec 14, 2011 @ 03:44:06

    I am ever too proud to call you sister! I am glad that you took this journey–AND–that you allowed this journey to take you, because we know that not all will lean into their inner squishies or admit that they have inner squishies (I like saying inner squishies). I know that you will continue to lean in, pressing into the tenderest parts of you–not for self flagellation, but so that you can communicate to others deepest parts, because you have started the discovery of your own.

    Reply

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