I REFUSE to Apologize

New Year’s has come and gone and with it the mass of people committing to resolutions, half of which may have already gone by the waste (waist) line.  I never make resolutions, I have never liked them because I knew sooner or later I would end up not following through and feeling worse about breaking them.  So, I never set them.

Today however, something quite profound occurred.  I was confronted in conversation at least twice to stop apologizing.  Part of me wanted to feign ignorance, believing that I had no idea what they were talking about with me.  That would have been a lie.  I know what they meant and it is time I stop apologizing….for many things.  I am not the only one who does this, dear readers. Many of us are guilty of such actions whether meaning to manipulate or not, we do it.  So, in honor of New Year’s I offer up those items which I will attempt to stop asking forgiveness.  These are in no particular order—

I just ate 4 pieces of bacon, and I LIKED it!

I like to sleep, to nap, and enjoy sleeping in.

Sometimes I squirt choc syrup in my mouth directly from the bottle

I LOVE LOVE LOVE whipped cream.

I like to blast the stereo, open the windows, and sing at the top of my lungs.

I am talented, gifted, and compassionate….and good at most things I do.

I would walk around in lounge pants and a hoodie all day every day if I could

You called me, I answered…why am I saying I was sorry for bothering you?

I like money and I would like to earn more to provide some comfort and a moment or two of luxury.

Nicholas Sparks’ novels make me cry and sometimes I like a good cry.

I like to be the smart kid in the class.

Underneath all my clothes I am completely nekid…so are you, why feel bad for how I presently look?  (YEOUWCH)

I do not own my house, I rent and I just completed my Master’s…..I’ll get there.

I like to watch FRIENDS and Cosby Show re-runs ad nauseum

My house is cluttered most of the time, I have 2 children and more legos than humanly possible.

I dream big dreams and want them to take flight.

Sometimes I like a good beer

I can belch better than most men.

I am scared most of the time and spend more energy trying to fake how brave I am.

I sleep with a cuddle pillow

I treat my dog as though she were actually human and one of my children.

I cannot CANNOT cannot play most video games….sorry kids I am a pozer

I recite movie lines and song lyrics as often as I can

I am a woman, trying to maneuver this gig called life and do it the best way possible, leaving it a bit better than when I began.

I am a little girl at heart, who desperately wants a mommy and a daddy, even at 37

 

I think that is all for now….feel free to add to this with your own comments.  I seek not resolution, but courage.  I need courage to step out, to do as I must, to follow through, and to believe.  To believe in me…..

Shalom,

cahl.

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