Inner Claire

Inner Claire.


Inner Claire

Wow, I can hear them from all parts of the house.  The screams, the shouting of orders, the pretend laser fire.  4 young and very physical boys run around my house, fake Star Wars weapons and grenades in hand.  Their screams shake the walls.  Just moments before they were in the extra bedroom playing what sounded like….a hailstorm.  They informed me that it was no hailstorm, but basketball.  I never heard any basketball game sound like plastic smashing the doors….”It’s ok, MOM”

The dog has curled up on the davenport as close to me as she dare come, looks warily at the soldiers.  Now instead of Star Wars they have switched to WWII. The lyrics to “I Believe I Can Fly” come from the littlest member of the posse.  I did not know R.Kelly has made his way to my house.  Interesting.

My phone buzzes or rather, my Iphone whistles its train sound.  (i have not figured out how to get free ringtones for my Iphone)  The phone whistles, and 2 moms are on my text alerting me to send their children home.  I gather one, get  them ready to head out…and of course, the child is wearing flip-flops (cause we can’t say thong in this day and time) and has not coat.  Ever the parent, I tell the child to get in my car and I will drive him home.  Back for round 2 sends another child home and the house quiets, a bit.  My oldest is playing Star Wars Battlefront and narrating the war.  I have no idea what he is saying, he is having a blast….I would like to hear something other than the constant narration.

I look up from the tap-tap tapping of my keys to see the Cosby Show on my television.  I smile. I watched and loved this show as a child, they are as much a part of my childhood as leg warmers, friendship bracelets, Tiffany, and New Kids on the Block (all of which I detested.)  I knew them, dreamed of being a sister to Denise, or better yet…BEING Denise!  I wanted Claire as my mom, who didn’t?

I still want Claire as a mom.  I am watching with new eyes as the chaos calms.  I smile even more as I hear the kids banter, yell, wrestle, and bang on the walls.   I remember hoping that I would be in a Cosby house.  I never thought for a minute that mine would be like that.  I admired Claire for almost everything that she did.  Ok, had to stop and swipe at my nose as the College Decision episode for Denise was on….The note that ma and pa wrote her to end the moment, makes me tear up, every stinking time.  I used to hear it from a kid point, hoping that I would hear something like that.  Now, I pray for the day I get to send my babies into the world.  Well I pray for the day, and I pray the day will never  come.

As I watch I think of no better compliment than to have swarms of shoes to trip over and coats to push out-of-the-way.  I fear that walls will shake, pictures will quiver, and lamps fall to their death.  I am most certain this will happen and much more.  This may not have been the experience I understood–far from it.  Maybe I can channel an inner Claire….I wonder what that looks like in 2013



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